How do I learn how to prioritize myself?

How do I learn to prioritize myself?

If you’re used to taking care of everyone else and leaving yourself behind, learning how to prioritize yourself can feel like a huge task. Sometime in your life you may have learned that it’s not okay to have needs or ask for what you need. Maybe it caused arguments or your needs were dismissed. Maybe someone made you feel stupid for asking for something. Now, as an adult, you push your needs to the side because it doesn’t feel safe to ask for what you need. In another example, you may have been taught to care for others like your siblings or even your parents. When children grow up learning how to be an adult and take care of others, their needs often disappear. So, as an adult, you are then familiar with caretaking and not asking for much. You may even feel like a burden for having needs or asking for things.

So, in order to learn how to prioritize yourself, you need to unlearn the original limiting beliefs you may have from the past. You need to learn that it’s ok to have needs and it’s ok to ask for what you want. You need to learn that relationships are meant to be a safe container. You need to learn that going to take time for yourself doesn’t mean you’re not a good mom or that you don’t care.

Once you can start to understand the story you tell yourself about what it means to prioritize yourself and make time for yourself, you can start to challenge the narrative. Maybe those old beliefs aren’t relevant anymore?

Now that a new narrative has taken place and you’re feeling more aligned with yourself, it is important to be able to catch yourself when old thoughts resurface. Feeling guilty, avoiding things you want to do, or not clarifying what you need are signs the past is showing up.

It might be uncomfortable to start putting yourself first. It takes skills to take action towards the things that feel good for you and that make a difference in your mental health. You might need to learn to set boundaries, say no, or ask for what you need. That’s part of what it takes to make yourself a priority. It’s a combination of making and scheduling time, taking action and following through, having set boundaries, knowing what you need and want, and having the confidence and security in yourself to feel good about taking care of yourself.